celebrate, this party's over

i’m outta here tomorrow. yep, & it can’t come soon enough. but you know that already. my desire 2 leave here is not solely because i’ve had it with camp, which, of course, i have, but also because i’m looking forward 2 getting back 2 the somewhat normality of seoul, namely my apartment & the strangely addictive life of a seoulite. i’m saying goodbye 2 jochiwon today because tomorrow i won’t be able 2. why? well, i’m assuming i’ll be 2 busy 2 do so... busy with the formalities of the 3rd, & final, ck closing day (“bye bye students”)... busy packing... busy sitting on the bus back into seoul... busy proclaiming i’ll never do it again... & busy settling back into my apartment. & beyond tomorrow i’ve also plans 2 be busy. busy drinking... drinking 2 the end of camp... drinking 2 having 5 days off (maybe more)...  drinking 2 the chinese new year... drinking 2 australia day (hey, any excuse)... & drinking 2 drinking. the days in seoul after a camp are always a blurry affair, & this time will be no different. there’s just 2 much 2 celebrate.

a few things i will miss about this camp

• being served 3 meals a day... or 2 if, like me, you’re never up early enough for breakfast.

• 10,000 won (€5.50) 3-litre pitchers of beer in city pop.

• city pop. it's no prada but it's a fine replacement.

• the banter with the university cafeteria chef who, although not having a word of english, is a legend.

• the good teachers. yes, there were some... thank god.  

• the on-site gym. so i didn’t utilise it very often (5 times over the 4 weeks i estimate) but @ least it was there.

• the part-time/hired-only-for-camp korean staff members, especially the cute females, who venerated me. i interviewed them all months ago & they still, even after working & joking around with them for a month, treat me like a pop star. so what, i like the attention. you would 2. trust me.   
  

• not spending money. camp life limits your spending, something seoul takes 2 extremes.

• being answerable 2 no one & being able 2 do what i want 2 do, when i want 2 do it. okay, so there is a korean here, ozi, higher up in the pecking order than me but she wouldn’t dream of ordering me around. not because i’m liable 2 react in an undesired way 2 orders or anything like that...  it’s just that i know what 2 do & when 2 do it... & the koreans know that & so leave me 2 it.    
  

a few of the things i won’t miss about this camp

• the questions. oh my... the questions.

• wonder girls, big bang, abba, lemon tree, cartoon heroes... if i hear any one of these bands/songs while i’m celebrating the end of camp over the coming days i’ll probably react in a very violent way. 

• having the urge 2 strangle fellow human beings who, @ first glance, appeared capable of doing their job sufficiently... but failed miserably. sufficiency... that’s all i ask... not proficiency.  

• the 3-4 meetings i attended each & every day 2 remind me of stuff i already knew.     
  

• having 2 rely on koreans 2 do their shit so i can do mine. it is, always has, & always will be, the biggest frustration of camp (unless, of course, i could get rid of the koreans... now there’s an idea).

• receiving dozens of e-mails a day, the majority of them in korean. 
  

• the cold. i’ve a high tolerance of the cold but i’d take a summer camp over a winter camp every time. teachers are generally in a better mood in the heat of a korean summer, meaning they don’t complain as much.

• old teachers. every camp has them. this camp, unfortunately, had more than most. okay, call me ageist... i don’t care. but i’ve done enough camps now 2 know that it’s a young man’s, or women’s, game. if you have kids old enough 2 teach @ ck then please don’t apply 2 teach yourself (& if you do come please don't complain so much).   

• the photocopiers that were unable 2 produce 3 copies without jamming. okay, maybe 4.

• the printers that wouldn't print.

• the teachers who hovered around said printers/photocopiers & who turned 2 me as if i was some sort of printer/photocopier engineer. i can’t believe i got though camp without shrugging my shoulders & saying something along the lines of “well, what do you want me 2 do?”... especially considering how often i was tempted 2 do just that.   
  

• the 12 midnight curfew.

• chairing early morning meetings with my teachers the morning after we dodged said curfew. 

• mc’ing in a hall of 200+ koreans. i do it a lot... & i’m well used 2 it. but i still hate it... & i gotta do it 4 more times before i leave here in 24 hours... “students... are you ready?!”  
  

• correcting reports. i’m paid 2, amongst other things, proofread reports writen by qualified teachers... ‘cept reading them you’d never think they were qualified teachers.

• counting down the days until the end of camp.
  

‘livin’ with seoul’ inauguration watch

okay... no more about camp. i couldn’t file a entry today without mentioning the us presidential inauguration. there’s a lot expected of this obama chap, with some expecting him 2 do nothing less than change the world itself. whether he does or not remains 2 be seen. i’m just a tad upset that poor auld unemployed george ‘dubya’ won’t be prominent in the public eye anymore... because it probably means that 8 solid years of ‘bushisms’ has come 2 an end. aggh yes, say what you want about him but he was always good for a laugh.  

& you can read the best 'bushisms', according to the bbc, here... oh, & check out this video of the man of the moment, obama, claiming he has been 2 no less than 57 states. how’s that now? say noting, but maybe we’ll get a few 'obamaisms' over the coming years.

‘livin’ with seoul’ funny label/sign watch

'Exfeel-s - The Stylish Beer with Fibre. Smooth and light premium beer exclusively designed for well-being of young generation'

–        exfeel-s beer label

what i’m listening 2 right now

an emotional fish, celebrate

 

2 & a half days

i’m on self-imposed easy street... & it’s about time. i’ve done practically nothing today (or for the last 2 days come 2 think of it) ‘cept walk around all boss like ‘monitoring’ as my remaining/week 4 teachers welcomed some 90 new students 2 camp, students who will barely be here before they have 2 go home again. & i intend 2 do even less between now & thursday afternoon, when camp finally ends... & those aforementioned students do actually go home. most of the teachers, whose antics over the past 3 weeks made this the testing camp it was, left over the weekend & from now until thursday i have a grand total of 15 teachers 2... 2, emm, well ‘monitor.’ not that i intend 2 do much monitoring of course. nope, i’ve just about had it with this camp. 2 lines... don’t care. sticking 2 the schedule... what schedule? shitty presentations ... bring them on. yep... i don’t care anymore... & i only have 2 not care for another 2 & a half days. needless 2 say i won’t be as relieved 2 leave ck this winter as i was this time last year, but i’ll be relieved nonetheless. so, not caring for another 2 & a half days. if that’s all i gotta do between now & thursday then i should be okay. watch out seoul after that.   

'livin' with seoul' photo album

  

'livin’ with seoul’ by the numbers – an update

81 - days i’ve been 'livin' with seoul.'

22 - days since camp began.

2.5 - days until camp ends.

21 - days until i go home (monday february 9th).

15 - days until my contract ends (tuesday february 3rd).

5 - days until the chinese/lunar new year holiday begins (saturday the 24th). it’s a big deal over here & i should be sufficienlty removed from camp by the time it begins, & not 2 mention in good company, 2 do it justice.   

9 – days until i return 2 work in the ck office (wednesday the 28th). that'll be weird. 

5 – days work i have left in the ck office, assuming i don’t extend my contract. i've still 2 decide.

1 - days until ck payday. i’ll probably have 2 remind someone – a korean in the ck office – that i’m 2 get paid like all the rest of the koreans. they seem 2 have forgotten last time.  

23 – number of teachers who left over the weekend, either side of saturday’s farewell party.

15 – teachers left here until thursday.

28 - business cards i’ve gotten rid of in the past week. i still have way 2 many of them. 

4 - nights i've missed curfew this camp. the fact that i can remember all those nights is an indication as 2 how ‘quiet’ a camp it was.

10,000 – price, in korean won, of a 3-litre pitcher of beer in the new ck local, city pop, (about €5.50). yep, €5.50 for 3 litres of beer. ck – alcoholics need not/should not apply.

3 – hours i slept during the afternoon today when i was supposed 2 be working. i’m exhausted.

96 – friends i now have on fb.

‘livin’ with seoul’ ck idol

as if camp wasn’t bad enough, i had 2 stand through 18 ck idol song/dance performances the other day. it bordered on torturous... but @ least it reminded me of this... & that has 2 be a good thing, right?

& check out this delusional eminem wannabe. classic stuff.

what i'm listening 2 right now

stereophonics, traffic

it's my blog & i'll moan if i want 2

it’s day 2, week 3 of ck, part vii... & i haven’t really much 2 say. well, i haven't really many positive things 2 say. things haven’t changed all that much since i last reported – okay so i might just have hinted - on how a lot of my teachers (but thankfully not all of them) don’t seem 2 know their arse from their elbow... what 2 lines are...  how 2 read a clock... manage less than a dozen korean kids... stick 2 straightforward schedules... pass me without the need 2 ask a question... & where they left their common sense (i’m being kind 2 them by assuming they had it @ some stage previous 2 coming 2 kool-rea). & no, i’m not being over critical. remember, i haven’t always been the boss. nope, i 2 have been a ck teacher... 4 times before... so i know better than most how easy a gig being a ck teacher is. but not even that helps me understand how seemingly mature adults – the majority of them with vast amounts of teaching experience – struggle with a ck stint. i guess i shouldn’t complain 2 much. i mean, it could be worse... every teacher could be a retard, not just most of them.                 

'livin’ with seoul’ by the numbers – an update

75 - days i’ve been 'livin' with seoul.'

9 - days until camp ends.

0 – days off i’ll have in those 9 days.

5 – days i will have off after those 9 days.

27 - days until i go home.

7– days since i rejected my first contract extension offer.

4 – days since a renewed contract offer was put 2 me. i still have a decision 2 make.

2 – amount of times i’ve been 2 the onsite gym.

27 – hours i had away from ck this past wekeend.

8 – amount of times since camp began, i estimate, that one of my teachers as made a comment along the lines of “i dunno how you do this job.” yeah, i sometimes wonder 2.  

75 – a rough approximation of the amount of questions i get asked on a daily basis. for the purposes of this blog i’ve actually tried 2 keep a tally of the figure... as if i don't already have enough 2 do.

80 – another rough approximation, in percentage, of those 75 questions that i would have answered previously.

5 -  another rough approximation, again in percentage, of those 75 questions that are actually good/sensible questions.

70 – number of pictures presently in the ‘livin' with seoul’ photo album.

34 – number of those 70 pictures taken in a bar, outside a bar or are in some way alcohol related.

25 - minutes i've spent so far working on this entry in my room... hiding away from my teachers, & their questions.  

14 - entries so far in this ’livin’ with seoul’ blog.

2 – days it has snowed this week.

-4 - temperature, in degrees celsius, in seoul right now (5:30pm on tuesday).

3 - temperature, in degrees celsius, in dublin right now (8:30am on tuesday)

'livin’ with seoul’ revelations

i’m not sure what it is about today in particular but people, including a few koreans, have made a few comments about me... & koreans being koreans means they are far from shy about sharing their revelations with me. this is what i’ve heard or been told today alone (not all comments pertain 2 me... it may be my blog but i'm still not that egocentric)  –

• that i’m handsome... by a korean. well of course.

• that i’ve lost weight... by a teacher. well of course... it’s ck... losing weight is par for the course.
  

• that i look like bruce willis... by a korean. THE bruce willis? i’ve heard kiefer sutherland a few times before alright but bruce willis! wtf?

• that i look busy... by a teacher who approched me 2 ask a dumbass question. i guess i didn't look busy enough because she still asked me the god damn question.

• that i need a haircut... by a korean. very true. 

• that materials haven’t arrived yet... by moaning teachers. “i know guys... i’ve ordered them but... well, it’s them koreans... tut tut.” i always blame the koreans... bless them.
  

• that i’m a "free spirit"... by a teacher, the most recent one 2 utter the “i dunno how you do this job” comment.

• that everyone is going out tonight for beers... by numerous thirsty teachers. fuck yeah... me 2.

‘livin’ with seoul’ beer advertisment watch

speaking of beer – which i tend 2 do a lot - check out the new heineken add below. if only the beer itself was as good as the adds.

& this amstel add is just as good, maybe even better.

‘livin’ with seoul’ yank ribbing

the video below isn’t a joke. honest. it can be explained solely by the fact that this guy is american... & if you're terminally bored you can find him on “them internets” here.

what i’m listenting 2 right now

mercury rev, opus 40

c-ck

i can’t wait, although i’m gonna have 2, for tomorrow. you see tomorrow is saturday – the 2nd saturday of camp - meaning i get 2 ‘escape’ c-ck (concentration-camp korea) for a night. one night. it’s not much, but i’ll take it. this camp already feels long, even though it’s only 2 weeks old. i’m not quite sure exactly why this is proving 2 be a hard camp, although i could hazard a guess... a few guesses even... guesses i won’t elaborate on here for fear of this entry turning into one big bitch & moan. instead, if you don’t mind, i’ll just reiterate how i’m looking forward 2 getting back 2 seoul tomorrow, back 2 the familiarity & comfort of my ice-box apartment (galaxies are formed quicker than it takes the ondol under floor heating in my room 2 warm up) & away from all things ck. before that however i gotta look & act all professional in front of ck students & parents, the same parents who are coming here tomorrow 2 remove the same students from camp. with a bit of luck they’ll take all the first 2 week hassles, frustrations & complaints with them... but i’m suspecting that’s way 2 much 2 hope for.     

‘livin’ with seoul’ counter offer

so the boss offered 2 extend my contract the other day. yep, for some reason he sees me as an asset 2 ck. honest. he said so himself. anyway i said no. that was on tuesday. today is friday, the day he hit me with a more tempting offer. yep, it’s tempting alright... & now i’ve another decision 2 make. watch this space.      

'livin' with seoul' yank ribbing

it has been a while, 2 long actually, since i ribbed the yanks. so without any further adieu... oh, & if you’re wondering how i know the dumb ass making this 911 call is a yank.... well, it has 2 be. no other race is this stupid.

http://view.break.com/574603

‘livin’ with seoul’ funny label/sign watch

‘our handmade sandwiches are kept delicious with daily freshness delivery’

 - buy the way sandwiches

oh, & check out the blog album below for another ‘unfortunate’ korean signage spelling mistake. that would be 'coke' guys.

‘livin with seoul’ gay ref watch

i love this video. if this isn’t the gayest ref in the world then i’m the pope. amen.

what i’m listenting 2 right now

michael learns to rock, 25 minutes

busy being busy

a belated happy new year 2 you all. if i wasn’t so busy being busy over the past 2 weeks then i suspect i might have gotten around 2 wishing you all a happy new year sooner. but i have been busy being busy. very busy. i’m always busy @ ck but for some reason this time around i’m especially busy (okay, that’s 7 times i’ve used the word busy – there’s 8 – already in this entry). the last 12 days have been spent drinking 2 the birth, some 2009 years & a bit ago, of one jc ... preaching all jc like 2 my small army of teachers about where 2 be, when 2 be there & what 2 do once there... drinking 2 excess, especially on new year’s eve (but only cos the gregorian calendar says 2 do so)... answering a silly amount of questions on a daily basis (the majority of them of the common sense kind)... advising ‘real’ teachers, some of them 30+ years my senior, how 2 teach obedient korean children... dealing with sick/retarded/inept teachers/koreans, piss-poor communication, disorganisation & the failure of certain people, koreans & westerners alike, 2 follow the schedules i’ve spent the previous weeks & months drafting. this is my third (pronounced ‘turd’) ck being ‘the boss’ & while my teaching staff may be different each time there are some things about a ck camp that i suspect will never change – for as long as i do this i’ll always wonder why the koreans, with years of experience doing this gig, always seem content with reinventing the wheel camp after camp... & spending the 4 weeks of camp seemingly making it up as they go along, day by day. not that any of that really bothers me all that much, regardless of how much i may bitch & moan about it. i learnt a long time ago 2 just roll with ck, whatever your position may be & whatever that position throws @ you. so i'm treating this latest ck experience like i have done all the others - with a fair degree of laid-backness (i love inventing words)... & a fair degree of alcohol. all of which probably explains why this is my turd ck as boss... & my 7th overall. that said however, i'm still thinking that i should be tired of it all by now.     

'livin’ with seoul’ by the numbers – an update

68 - days i’ve been 'livin' with seoul.'

9 - days ago camp began.

19 - days until camp ends.

34 - days until i go home.

1 – day since i was offered a contract extension. i’ve a decision 2 make.

2 – days i’ve been single.

3 – days until the weekend.

3 – days i had off over christmas.

1 – number of kindergarten students i made cry as bad santa on christmas eve.

190,000 – amount, in korean won, i spent on christmas goodies (crisps, beer, wine, crackers etc) on christmas eve (about €110).

3 – christmas cards i received from home. those who sent them... you know who you are... thanks.  

80 – number of lyons teabags i received on christmas day... thanks 2 the floodgates.

0 – number of toasters i owned when i woke up on december 24th.

2 – number of toasters i owned when i woke up on december 25th. i bought myself a toaster... hours before i received another one as a present. wtf.  

1 – amount of times i’ve been paid.

5,850,000 – amount, in korean won, of my first pay (about €3,250).

7 – number of business cards i’ve gotten rid of. they’ll find a cure for cancer before i get rid of them all.

6 – days i went last week without a beer (christmas day until new years eve).

5 – consecutive days i drank thereafter. had some catching up 2 do.

3440 – my room number in camp.

34 – number of teachers i get 2 boss around on a daily basis.

2 – number of those 34 that i’ve wanted 2 stab in the eye with a blunt instrument (a chopstick maybe) over the past 9 days.

0 – amount of times i’ve been 2 the onsite gym. busy being busy.

-1 - temperature, in degrees celsius, in seoul right now. unusually warm for this time of year.

2 - temperature, in degrees celsius, in dublin right now.

wrapping up christmas

so, what kind of santa was i on christmas eve? well, you’d really have 2 ask the kids (although i’d appreciate if you didn’t ask the one who cried) but i doubt if i, or any other skinny white irish guy dressed up in a santa costume (not 2 mention one with an accent  & the acting ability of a stone), will be asked back next year. given this list i definitely resembled a cross between ‘shitty fake beard santa’ & ‘skinny santa’, despite the coats used in an attempt 2 give me a belly... one ‘like a bowl full of jelly’. oh, & if you happen 2 remember your office party (assuming the economic crisis didn’t kill it altogether) then you might appreciate this article.        

nori bang here we come

i’ve yet to make it 2 a korean nori bang (karaoke room) during this latest trip 2 korea but after seeing this i’ll probably be making efforts 2 get 2 one this weekend.   

easy boys

good oul koreans. a bit of this in dial eireann might make irish politics a tad more interesting. loosing face is a huge no-no in korean culture, although you wouldn't think so looking @ this.   

‘livin’ with seoul’ photo album

check out the blog album. it 2 has finally been updated.

what i’m listenting 2 right now

coldplay, strawberry swing