ho ho ho

this is gonna be a quick one. i’ve barely time 2 scratch myself, let alone sit here & type an entry. but i have 2. i have 2 say hi for christmas. i’d hate myself if i didn’t. it has been a crazy last few days. i had just about recovered from last weekend’s unplanned (honest) & way over the top socialising (see the pictures) when i had 2 head back 2 jochiwon 2 get ready for the latest, but not the greatest (not so far anyway... r.i.p. prada) instalment of camp korea. i spent the last 2 days locked away in front of my computer in a university dorm room planning, scheduling, e-mailing, ordering koreans around & realising that i haven’t a hope of getting everything that needs 2 be done done in time. & that bothers me. i don't like being unprepared, even if it isn't my fault... which of course it isn't. it never is. it's always the koreans fault. always. why am i unprepared? well, half of my 50+ complement of teachers for camp are arriving on sunday night. that's a slight problem considering camp begins on sunday morning. yep. whose screw up was that? i dunno... & i don't care. i just gotta deal with it. & i am. just not now. cos now it's christmas eve & i'm back on familiar ground in seoul, forgetting all about camp for a few days. why? cos it's christmas of course... & i have a few days off. well, i'll be officially off in a few hours. before that i have 2, get this, don a santa costume & dish out presents 2 32 jes island kindergarten students who might just be old enough 2 know who santa is... & young enough 2 believe i'm the real deal. which, of course, i'm not. even if i could "ho ho ho" with the best of the wannabe santas out there my lack of girth, a real white beard &, most important of all, motivation should show me up for the fraud i am. as for the rest of my christmas. well, i have plans, just not very original plans. i'll relax, mingle with friends, & open presents with mel. oh & i will of course drink & be merry... just like i do every weekend. except it won't be every weekend. it'll be christmas. ahhh yes, another christmas in korea. one would swear i plan this.  

right, i've just been handed my made-in-china santa costume, complete with itchy, acrylic beard, black plastic belt and large red sack. best go & get ready. i’ve a show 2 put on... but i doubt i’ll be fooling anyone.... not even 5 year old koreans. "ho ho ho" 

what i’m listenting 2 right now

koreans telling me 2 put on my santa costume.... & the pogues, fairytale of new york... what else? only the best christmas song ever... & reason enough 2 love this time of year.

‘livin' with seoul’ christmas cheer

merry christmas 2 you all. hope you all have a good one. 2 everyone @ villa maria & in fermoy... i love you guys. you’re being missed... as always. i promise i’ll be home for a christmas soon. 

3 down

i finally got rid of some of my ck business cards yesterday afternoon. yep, 3 down... over 200, i estimate, 2 go. thanks 2 those aforementioned cards a few privliged ls holdings executives are now fully aware that the red-faced foreginer who sat opposite them smiling for over an hour, & not knowing wtf was going down, was the foreign section coordinator for ck. their business cards, the ones i received as part of the ritual bowing, handshakes & business card exchange that precedes every korean business meeting, told me i was in a confrence room on the 21st floor of the asem tower in seoul’s world trade centre in the flashy gangnam business district of the city. all in attendance were sitting around a teak/mahogany/oak/some-sort-of-expensive-hardwood boardroom table, eyeing each other intently & sipping water @ regular intervals from expensive feeling ls holdings branded glasses. 2 of my ck collegues, who were sitting either side me, spent the meeting trying 2 convince the executives that it would be in ls holdings best interest 2 give ck loads of money 2 run an english orientiation session for over 100 of their new employees. i was there because the session was my baby - i drafted the teambuilding schedule for the 4-hour event - & my collegues where there cos i can’t speak korean & someone had 2 explain my proposal 2 those we were hoping would be signing the cheque. of course i didn’t have any idea what was being said during the meeting but the tone of the converstion & the executives body language told me they liked the proposal, something that was confirmed 2 me post-meeting by my oh-so happy collegues over an office-dodging baskin robbins ice-cream. cool. might hit up the boss for a bonus... but i probably should organise getting paid first.   

‘livin with seoul’ wedding update

so what did i get for my 30,000 korean won (€16) ‘contribution’ @ the korean wedding i went 2 last saturday? not much... & certainly not an experience that can be deemed in any way ‘traditional.’ the ceremony took part in a lavish wedding hall crammed, funnily enough, with contributing koreans & was over almost as quick as it takes one 2 utter the words “i do” in korean. posing for a few photos, being in the presence of tons of hot korean girls & a buffet-style cafeteria lunch did nothing 2 improve the feeling of emptyness i had over having spent 30,000 korean won for the privilege of loosing 1 whole hour - 55 minutes actually - of my life. the biggest disappointment of the whole experience? there was free beer @ the lunch & i didn’t have any of it... & i still dunno why.      

whoops!

the last 2 weddings i’ve been 2, 1 of which was my own, have been farcical. actually, that’s not true... my wedding, per say, wasn’t farcical... it was the union it created that turned out 2 farcical. so with that said i don’t think i’d ever find a more appropriate time 2 show you this hilarious video (i’m making the assumption that i won’t be keeping a blog @ such time as my d-i-v-o-r-c-e comes through). turn up your speakers.            

‘livin with seoul’ infidelity watch

it seems anything the canadians can do the south korean's can do 2, even the famous ones amongst the 50 million them. 

‘livin with seoul’ ‘the medical’ update

impeccable timing i say. literally in the last few minutes i’ve been handed a form, stamped by the hospital where i had my medical check-up last week, verifying my good health. i’ve also been told that i have 2 take the form 2 the immigration office 2 validate my visa. i’m sensing another prolonged, office-dodging afternoon trip 2 either baskin robbins, dunkin’ donuts, the coffee bean & tea leaf or starbucks. i know a few korean who’d be up for that.  

‘livin with seoul’ time killer

isn't the internet great? becasue of it you don't need 2 go all the way 2 iraq 2 be able 2 throw shoes @ soon-2-be-unemployed george "dubya." all you gotta do is go here instead. 

what i’m listenting 2 right now

scissors sisters, return to oz

feeling good

i’m feeling good today. so what you say. well, it’s big news, thank you very much, ‘cause it’s 11:50 on a seoul saturday morning & i’m normally death warmed up @ this stage of the week. & i’m also normally working. but nope, not today. i decided earlier in the week that i was going 2 be a good boy this weekend & take it easy on myself for a change.... well, for friday night @ least. i’ve no doubt i’ll undo all my good work later tonight (& probably tomorrow night 2) but for now i’m wallowing in my newfound, & all 2 infrequent ability 2 say ‘no’ 2 friday night beers & saturday morning hangovers. so what did i do last night instead? i went 2 somewhere i love going 2 but for some reason haven’t been there yet on this latest visit 2 kool-rea... the jim jil bang, the korean bath house. it’s somewhere korean’s go 2 sweat & wash... it’s somewhere foreigners go 2 sweat, wash... & get incessantly stared @. the sweating part sees you laying around in various communal straw-matted saunas of a set temperature while the washing part sees you walking around butt naked jumping into large, segregated hot tubs, again of set temperature. of course most of the staring takes place in the washing areas but my, or any foreigners presence in any area of the jim jil bang seems 2 be a source of great amusement & surprise 2 the koreans (bless them), especially the children. i’ve commented on my experiences in the jim jil bang in a previous blog so & you can read that here if you want. & take a look at this if you want to know more about the whole jim jil bang experience. i’m sorry i can't hang around 2 elaborate... i’ve a wedding 2 go 2. 

‘livin’ with seoul’ weekend of celebration

5 reasons 2 celebrate this weekend:

1 - the she-male/she-ra/sheils/sheila is back in town... one night only,

2 - nkuli is back in town 2,

3 - it’s the ranga.... sorry, amy’s birthday,

4 - a korean collegue is getting married (& i’m going 2 the wedding),

5 - it’s saturday, i’m not working & i don’t have a staurday hangover.

‘livin’ with seoul’ funny label/sign watch

prime max beer markets itself as being as a,  

'delicious idea,' 

going on 2 inform anyone who actually reads the screwed up english on its label that it is a, 

'rich and full-bodied taste beer made from all malt and fine cascade hop'

but that’s not all. no sir. it also claims that,  

'delicious beer max gives rich taste and citrus flavour with all malt and cascade hop,' 

before making the boldest claim of all, that drinking the beer will,

'please your taste and drinking atmosphere.'

i mean, who wouldn’t wanna drink the stuff?

livin’ with seoul’ by the numbers – an update

43 - days i’ve been 'livin' with seoul.'

12 - days until christmas day. jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

16 - days until camp begins.

8 - days until i leave seoul for jochiwon, the location for camp.

58 - days until i go home.

18 - days until i learn if my contract will be extended beyond february.

0 - the amount of times i’ve cooked for myself.

45 - days since i’ve worked out. i’ve yet 2 get 2 the gym. of course if i knew where the gym was it might be a different story. 

72 - weight, in kilograms, the bath house weighing scales told me i weighed (11.3 stone).

9 - entries so far in ’livin’ with seoul’

30,000 – amount, in Korean won, one is expected 2 ‘contribute’ @ a korean wedding (about €16). i'll report on what i get for that in my next entry.

12 - time, in minutes, i managed 2 stick it out in the hottest of the jim jil bang saunas, the 95° one. it's not a test of endurance or anything but just as an observation the average korean lasts about 4-5 minutes.   

2 - weeks that mel has now been sick. 

3 - amount of times i've been asked by different koreans why my face is "so red". without elaborating on the fact that it's 'casue the dry korean winter air tends 2 play havoc on the skin of fair-haired caucasians, i tell them it's becasue i'm irish... & that seems 2 pacify them. 

1 - temperature, in degrees celsius, in seoul right now.

2 - temperature, in degrees celsius, in dublin right now. dublin wins.

whoops!

one has 2 assume this guy wasn’t watching where he was going. either that or he was just desperate 2 get on youtube. 

what i’m listenting 2 right now

54-40, casual viewin’

the meeting

the last entry was all about ‘the medical.’ today’s entry is all about ‘the meeting,’ the latest total waste of time experience. actually, that’s proabbly a bit harsh. no, it is a bit harsh. i realise i’m probably loosing sight of the fact that these korean experiences are just that – experiences, & cool ones @ that... & they have got 2 be in some way, on some level, beneficial 2 me... i mean, how could they not be? anyway, i digress. meetings. ‘the meeting,’ 2 be specific. my job sees me sitting in on many of them ... meetings about schedules, meetings about teachers, meetings about issues... & of course meetings about meetings. becasue i’m always the lone native english speaker in the room, the meetings i attend – on average 6 a week – are either chaired by me or conducted in english 2 faciliate me. but not today. today’s meeting was such an experience that i decided 10 minutes into it that i was going 2 waste more of the companies time after the meeting telling my blog audience all about it. so here i am.

it’s all speculation on my part as 2 what was being said in the meeting... & that’s what makes it so much fun 2 report on. 2 me the 90 minute meeting was all about head nodding, sighs of agreement/disagreement, hand waving (but no pointing... it’s rude you see), scribbling in notepads, agitated stares when something serious was going down & forceful point making. @ times my curiosity as 2 what they may have been talking about was aroused thanks 2 the dropping into the conversation of english words that have no obvious translation into korean... words like ‘curriculum’, ‘schedule’, ‘elt’ (english language teacher), ‘kindergarten’ & ‘elementary.’ every so often the 5 koreans sitting around the table with me would notice me sitting there staring blindly into the distance... & they would give me a collective “we’re sorry dave” smile before getting back into it. & every so often there would be a silence, followed by lots of collective contemplating, obviously @ times when a concensious needed 2 be reached. other times the silence would be broken by someone coming up with an idea or opinion on the topic under discussion... normally just before everyone else piked in with their opinion on the opinion. sometimes the opinion thrown out there was collectivily welcomed by synchronised head nodding, scribbling in notepads & a chorus of "neigh"s (yes in korean). other times it was just more silence, agitated stares, uncomfortable body language & polite smiles of obvious disagreement, signs that everyone thought the opinion thrown out there was retarded. @ all other times it was more hand waving, more "mi-da"s, more scribbling in notepads, more "chiggim"s, more "umm"s, more shifting in chairs, more "ao"s, more gestures with pens, more blank stares & more "neigh"s.   

i still don’t know what the meeting was about... or why i was actually there. i gotta assume the meeting got sidetracked... sort of went off on a tangent... & that the topics of relevance 2 me – the ones i was there 2 discuss – were simply forgotten about, lost somewhere in all the debate. whatever the reason i don’t really care. it was one of the strangest 90 minutes i've experienced & i just wish i could have captured a video of the banter... of the scene... for posterity reasons. but i guess that wouldn’t have been appropriate... or maybe it would have been just as appropriate as me being there in the first place.

'livin’ with seoul’ funny label/sign watch

‘Fresh sandwiches are great anywhere. Anytime and give you a variety of delicious to choose from’

 - a convenience store sandwich label

‘livin' with seoul’ weather watch

i wish the weather would make its mind up. last week there was a double-digit change in the temperatures as it plummeted from 7/8 degrees to -5/-6 degrees. oh & it snowed 2. that’s normal for this time of year so everyone expected once the temperatures dropped that they would keep dropping (-10 to -15 is the typical dec-feb temperatures). but no. now the temperatures have gone back up to 4/5 degrees. wtf.

whoops!

i can’t believe this guy actually got up after his ‘altercation’ with the... the... the whatever it was got in his way. he didn't get up for long but he got up nonetheless... so kudos for that. nutted indeed.   

what i’m listening 2 right now

third eye blind, how’s it gonna be

the medical

i went 2 the hospital again today (don’t fret, i’m okay... i think... i’ll know for sure on friday when ‘the results’ come back). i was there, dodging work, ‘cause the korean government said i had 2 be there... something about having 2 ‘legitimise’ (my word, not theirs) my visa - i think - by way of proving i’m healthy. i'm assuming the koreans don't want me, or any other long-term visa holder for that matter, 2 end up being a burden 2 the korean taxpayer in hospital due 2 some pre-existing condition, & 2 that end they make you have 'the medical'. for the 90 minutes i was @ the hospital i was measured, examined, prodded, injected, x-rayed & relieved of bodily fluids. it was a comical, almost surreal experience being led around various stations/departments of a korea hospital, accumulating hangul charts, smiling @ cute nurses & dodging koreans in wheelchairs, zimmer frames, & agony, as i went.  the little student nurse who manned the 1st of the 5 stations i was led 2 was my favourite.

“weight normal... height normal... hearing right ear good, left ear borderline... eyes good... contact lens, yes?”

an affirmative nod from me, 2 accompany my grin induced by her use of the word ‘borderline’. she continued.

“ blood pressure normal... thank you. sit down please... wait,” as she pointed all bossy like 2 a nearby seat.  

station 2 was the easiest of the lot. no examining, no prodding, no injections. all i had 2 do was answer questions.  

“allergic 2 any drugs?” nope.

“hepatitis, tuberculosis... history?” emmm, no.  

“family... hepatitis, tuberculosis... history?” same answer as above.

“hospital time...operations?” yep. mastoidectomy, a word that, in my experience, every doctor in korea, thankfully, seems 2 understand (it's the ear operation i had when i was 15... & it explains the ‘borderline’ hearing rating i received minutes earlier... not 2 mention the ear infection i had a few weeks ago).  

“personal health?” grand. fit as a fiddle me, love. i hope.

“alcohol... drink much?” socially, i assured her... although i sensed she could see i was clearly lying.

“smoke?” nope, i proclaimed proudly.

station 3 was the bodily fluid extraction station. i gave blood & had 2 pee into a test tube. well, pee into a paper cup & then transfer it into a test tube. 2 test tubes actually. no bother. 

station 4. chest x-ray. over in a flash... pardon the pun.  

station 5. dentist. a quick look. easy peasy. 

i was told the results will be ready friday, by which time i hope 2 know, for certain, why i need them & what i've 2 do with them.  

‘livin’ with seoul’ highlights of the last 8 days

okay, so i’ve been neglecting my blog of late. another large gap between entries. i blame work... the fact that i actually have quite a bit of it 2 do these days. so with that oft-used excuse out of the way let me sumarise some of the last 8 days events.

 - monday, december 1st

i had a day off & i went shopping. well, not really shopping... more like a walk around a shopping district. it was cool ‘cause it was different – it wasn’t the office, jes island, my apartment, or any of the familiar areas of seoul connecting the 3 of them. the day off was a reward for working on 2 hours sleep, & through a hangover that just wanted 2 shut me down, the previous saturday (i should have gotten the week off for that). btw, i didn’t buy anything... i know you were wondering.      

 - thursday, december 4th

received a parcel from home with, amongst other things, a supply of tea bags & a christmas card of rurairi, my nephew who was cute enough a few months ago 2 win a cute baby competition 2 get himself featured on christmas cards. if you wait for this page 2 download you’ll see him, all roly-poly cute, donning a santa hat & with his tongue stickin’ out. awwwwww.     

 - friday, december 5th

was supposed 2 take the night off (meaning a night of no alcohol consumption) but that didn’t happen. instead myself & brandon tried 2 beat the bitterly cold temperatures by consuming more soju than any 2 people should consume in one sitting. one of the many things i can't remember about the end of the night was whether i was cold or not, so i guess our plan worked. bravo.    

 - saturday, december 6th

spent the mornig in bed cursing soju. spent the afternoon working - again - lecturing 85 koreans on the rights & wrongs of students management, student motivation & effective communication... & wondering who ever deemed me qualified 2 do this sort of shit. i’ve done it before, not hungover & 2 a bigger, altogether more important, audience... so i guess i should give myself some credit.   

 - sunday, december 7th

for the 1st time this year it 'really' snowed... meaning what fell actually stuck for a few hours. it didn't snow much, just enough 2 enable mel, my favourite snow-starved aussie,  2 think the urban, concrete & steel setting of oksu station had been transformed into lapland.       

 - monday, december 8th

took delivery of my business cards that, in typical korean style, are of the shiny kind. they will tell everyone that i've yet 2 give them 2 that my name is david m byrne, that i work in the domestic department of ck & that my title is that of ‘foreign section coordinator.’ there are a lot of them so i’m gonna have 2 come up with ways 2 get rid of them. suggestions would be appreciated.   

 - tuesday, december 9th - today

went 2 the hospital, but i’ve covered this.   

‘livin’ with seoul’ ailment watch

i’m okay but everyone else is sick. it sucks. most of my seoulmates, including mel (boo hoo), are either on antiboitics or fighting something or other... something or other that’s preventing them from drinking. come on guys... i can’t do this on my own (although i’m certaintly up for trying). even the koreans in the office are suffering... sniffling here, coughing & sneezing there. when they aren’t popping pills they are consuming ginseng, chestnut, black garlic, or vitimin c drinks. what’s the point i say?... i drink beer & i’m the healthiest one in the office. i hope... i'll know friday.

what i’m listening 2 right now

mgmt, kids